How Do You Know You’re Barking Up the Wrong Tree

Or, Am I Getting Blown Off?

This happens to everybody, you meet someone, you think things are going great, and then all of a sudden, your calls aren’t being answered, your emails aren’t being responded too, and you got defriended on facebook. My friend, you have just been blown off.

Back in the day people had to ignore you to your face in order to dump you. You went to a community dance, the other person would snub you in person, and you’d know it was over. Or someone would tell you they were going steady with other people. Now with technology there are just that many more ways to get ignored.

Here are some warning signs that the person isn’t interested but just doesn’t have the guts to tell you.

1) Says they’ll contact you by a certain time but never do. This could be texts that never arrive, calls that never go through, stop by your workplace but just don’t have the time.
2) If they do eventually get back to you, and they tell you that they were crazy busy but they still want to hang out eventually but are really vague, be very cautious. B/c sometimes they are in the process of blowing you off.
3) If they tell you that they think you’re great and a lot of fun but their life is just really busy and they just want to be friends, that is a blow off.
4) They used to be nice but now when you talk to them they’re distant and kind of an a-hole. Having been the recipient of this behavior (you know who you are! *glare*) this is the act of a coward, and they want to break up with you but don’t have the guts to do so. So yeah, don’t stay with this kind of person b/c they aren’t mature enough to handle their or your feelings in a respectful way.

5) Unfriending or breaking via facebook or other social networks is probably the newest and most passive aggressive way to break up with someone. I think if you’re suddenly unfriended, then probably that’s a good (bad?) indication that they’ve lost interest.

CNN even has tips!

This article collaborates a lot of what I've been saying in my posts about online dating.

No Means No

This is a lesson that many people need to learn. No means no. It does not mean try harder. Trying harder when you’ve already heard no puts you into creepy guy territory. And nobody wants a creepy guy. End of story.

First (Offline) Contact (part 2)

Continued from yesterday!

Don’t interrogate them and bombard them with unaligned questions. A line of questioning that goes like, “What’s the name of your first pet? Do you like your job? What kind of car do you drive? Do you like Italian food?” will sound very aggressive and like you aren’t listening to the answers. Try to have a conversation that flows. This can be difficult especially if you’re nervous.

I know I often compare dating to job hunting and in many respects it’s very similar. In this case, think of it as an interview. You’re trying to found out information about the other party, you’re trying to present yourself in a positive but honest light, and you don’t want to be swearing up a storm b/c you don’t know the person very well.

On a last note, if you’re going to contact someone by text, don’t text them consistently. It’s probably a bit early for that kind of constant contact, so save that lolcats link for later.

Ok, I cannot keep up posting everyday.  So I’ll try to update at least twice a week! Otherwise I won’t have time to date! Haha…

Ooh late! First (Offline) Contact (Part 1)

First (Offline) Contact

So you’ve been messaging someone for a bit and you’ve gone to the next stage. The stage where they trust you enough to give you their phone number. And you call the person up. This is an incredibly scary moment b/c it’s the time you come out from the anonymity of the internet and transition into IRL.

My first suggestion is to reread everything one more time: profile, messages, etc. You don’t want to ask them where they went to college if they never went, b/c that’s really awkward. With that information, you can ask them about things, if you read they majored in English, don’t ask them to confirm it, ask them what classes they took, if there were any books that they studied that they really liked.

Find out from the other person when is a good time to contact them. If you’ve been emailing back and forth for a bit and get a phone number in your latest email, don’t get crazy excited when checking your email at midnight and call them up immediately. Because yeah you’re so happy that you’ve gotten to the next step, but calling them in the middle of the night is bad form, and makes you seem really desperate. So I’d find out when is a good time. My other tip is even if you make the call at a semi reasonable hour like 9, if you think you might want to chat for a while, call earlier. I once was called at 11 at night. Sure I’m awake now but for how much longer? So make sure you think about the other person’s schedule and they’ll be a lot happier with you in the long run.

On the flip side, if they give you a phone number and you’re genuinely interested in the other person, don’t wait three days. I don’t know who came up with that idea but it’s dumb. I’d say call the next day if it’s convenient. This is not based on any scientific study but my personal opinions about being honest and not making them guess about your intentions. If you don’t want girls to play mind games with you, why would you play games with her? So if you say you’re going to call Saturday, call her Saturday. Flaking in this situation is one of the worst things possible b/c you’ve essentially lied. Think of it this way, if you made a movie date for Saturday and she didn’t show up, that’d be really horrible right? Well if you say you’re going to call Saturday and don’t, there better be a dead grandmother or something like that involved or you can start saying goodbye to any interest that she had.

Continued tomorrow!

Honestly-- It’s the Best Policy

Today’s topic is a very important one. One we should have learned in kindergarten—lying is bad. Honesty (if done tastefully) is good. I’m not saying that we all need to be crazy blunt either, but don’t lie b/c it’ll come around to bite you in the butt.


I covered this before in previous posts about creating a profile and writing an introductory message, but it’s important to present in a positive light but to not exaggerate or misrepresent yourself. If you lie about your age, weight, education, hobbies, the other person’s gonna figure it out, so pure and simple, be yourself…unless you plan on never letting the other person see your driver’s license or visit you at work, but that sounds like too much work.

When it comes to telling someone that you aren’t interested, there are a couple of ways to approach this too. You can do the classic, not going to respond method. But I find it a bit shady. If it’s a first message, then not responding is pretty typical but if you’ve been corresponding for a while, and especially if you’ve actually met or are in a relationship then by all means, tell them that you don’t think the relationship isn’t what you’re looking for or something like that. Don’t blow them off when they call, or text or email. Don’t treat them like an ass until they break up with you, b/c that’s just complete douchery. Have the balls to just tell the truth b/c then especially if you tell them (in as nice a way as possible) why the relationship won’t work, maybe they can take that information and work on it.

When you close a match in Eharmony, it asks you why you closed it. Generally people cop out and put “other” as the reason. This tells me nothing. It may honestly be other, but if you put something like, “you’re too old for me” or “there isn’t any chemistry” at least I have something to work off of. Of course if I’m a year older than you and you say I’m too old for you, you’re still a douche. (A friend of mine said that a woman told him he lived too far away when they lived in the same city and I’m not referring to Los Angeles, I’m talking about a normal city!) So put a reason, but make it a legit reason, not some BS-y one.

Ok, so this is really sorta a topic of honesty and also not lying when you blow someone off.

Sorry about the rambling, tomorrow will be a more concrete topic, making the first phone calls (or other non-online contact)!

Sorry about no post!

But I have to clean my room tonight. :( I'll try to write one tomorrow!