Keeping the romance alive

Or at least keeping it undead.

Basically this will be a guide for the unromantic b/c romantic people don't have these issues. Unless they're dating unromantics.

Traditionally giving gifts is considered a romantic gesture. Anthopologically speaking, males gave females gifts to prove that they'd be excellent providers. They've seen male chimps giving meat to female chimps in exchange for sex. The oldest profession indeed!

Oh, but in modern humans, it's not so much giving stuff to women b/c I've heard of plenty of women getting mad over practical things like toasters but now men must prove the quality of their providership by "burning" their resources on what are really "useless" gifts such as chocolates, stuffed animals, flowers, and jewelry. Things that generally serve no purpose other than to be expensive and hold high cultural value but little intrinsic value.

These traditional gifts are generally well received by women but not all women. It is important to know what kind of woman you are dating. There are some women who HATE HATE HATE cut flowers b/c they're just going to die and you have to water them. Their philosophy is gee, thanks for getting me a present that will give me more work to do. I personally am not a huge fan of chocolate. Some girls crave chocolate, I am not one of them. It's your job to discover what she does and does not like b/c if you get her something she doesn't like, you will gain no reputation points.

Now to think outside of the box is a bit better. While some women may want the chocolates, diamonds, flowers route, it takes more thought to come up with a gift that is individually tailored. If your girl is a geek, think of what she likes. Horror fan? Zombie themed gifts--this year I've seen zombie mugs, shirts, books, and cross-stitching. Does she play video games? Look for video game accessories or old classics she might have missed. Is she a dice-chucking gamer? More dice are always appreciated or maybe a miniature for her latest campaign. These things are probably less expensive yet will probably be more meaningful since it means that you have actually learned what she likes and doesn't like.

Another way to show you care is to do things for her. Recent studies say that women feel more romantic towards their partners when they do domestic stuff around the house, like laundry, cooking or washing dishes. This kinda makes sense since now women often work outside of the home and are generating their own income so money isn't necessarily as tight as things like time. With less time to do household chores, helping around the house allows her more time to do things she would really want to do, like sleep, or read, or play WoW.

Lastly, you can help keep the romance alive by planning fun things, they don't have to be expensive, just things for the both of you to do that you enjoy. Getting out of your daily routine will help that.

Basically it boils down to, think about your partner and what they might need right now, not a toaster but like emotional support ways and such.

The Honeymoon

I refer not to the ancient tradition of going off to the moon and enjoying honey (oh that's from a xanth book) but of the lovey dovey period right when you start seeing someone.

It's very normal when you meet someone to want to spend every waking moment together (assuming you like them). You'll text each other constantly, be giving each other PDAs which will make your friends nauseous but is actually very cute but still vomit inducing, and say things like, "I miss you," "No, I miss you more." This is also the time when you're discovering new things about each other and it's very natural for people to remember the commonalities (we both love Capt. Picard!) and gloss over important details like, (we don't actually speak the same language!) There is some debate (I'm completely making this statistic up) but this period generally lasts from 6 months to a year.

After the honeymoon period is over, you'll be less inclined to be googly eyes over each other but this is not necessarily a problem. If your relationship did not have the most solid ground then there may be difficulties as the hormones wear off and you actually experience the other person without the rose colored glasses. So what if you both love Monty Python...she leaves her dirty dishes everywhere! He farts constantly! If you don't have something beyond the initial flush of attraction, the relationship may crumble. That means it's important to have developed a foundation beyond "dude, you're hot..."

Next week, how to keep the romance alive. (oh geez, I'm like the world's least romantic person and I've going to give advice on this?! o_O)

When Dates Go Bad

Not all dates will go well...in fact since most dates don't become relationships, most dates will probably suck. But sometimes, geeks with our lack of social skills don't know when things are heading towards the path where she never calls you back or is always mysteriously busy. But here's a list of signs that things are not going well on your date. Please feel free to change the shes to hes...b/c some of these happened to me so it's not just guys who have bad first dates! T_T

She goes to the bathroom for a really really really long time...and doesn't show up again until the check appears. (I mean there might be stomach troubles, which isn't your fault unless it's a restaurant you suggested that like food poisoned her... but it's likely she was trying to avoid you. Esp if she never comes back.)

She picks up her cell phone and has an emergency in the middle of the date and has to leave. (but sometimes this is also legit, it happened to a friend, her cousin called and needed to be let back into his house!)

She picks up her phone and has like a 20 minute chat with her best friend/mom/sister/ex-boyfriend.

All she does is talk about her ex or exes.

All she does is talk about her dog/cat/fish/shoe collection.

She mentions that sometimes the only way to train a dog is to hit them.

She doesn't know who Chewbacca is.

She yawns continuously while you're talking.

She keeps checking the time.

She doesn't make eye contact.

She answers questions in the shortest answers possible, yes/no/maybe/dunno/fuck off.

She hasn't laughed at a single joke you've made and hasn't made any of her own.

She talks about how busy she is and how she's probably going to be stuck at school or the office for the next couple of months.

She smells really bad. Like you're worried you smell but really it's not you, it's them.

She's really late and doesn't call or have a legitimate excuse like there was an overturned vehicle on the freeway and it took me five hours to get through...b/c in LA anyhow, you should expect traffic. (A friend was meeting some guy and he went to the wrong Starbucks and waited there for 20 minutes...even though it was closed.)

At the end of the date, she practically runs to her car and it's not raining.

She slaps you, kicks you in the crotch or performs other kinds of violence and she's not doing a martial arts demonstration.

She doesn't even try to do the "shall I pay for the check dance." Ok this is much more egregious for guys who do this...I went on a date and the guy didn't even try to pay for dinner. He literally just sat there and kept talking. Dude, at least TRY and pretend you want to pay.

She ordered a dish with a lot of onions and garlic in it.

Ok, have a safe and fun New Years! :)

It's a Trap!

(an extra post to make up for the one I skipped last week)

There are many traps in life. There are literal traps like tiger traps but also figurative but just as dangerous traps too.



For example, the most infamous trap is, "Do I look fat in this?" Why is that a trap? B/c unless you're very careful, all answers are bad and could spark an argument.

Look at his butt! hahaha!!


How to avoid traps? The best way is to be around people who don't set them. Failing that, think carefully about the best response to avoid confrontation. Something like, "No you don't, you look great in everything." (I'm totally making this up b/c I don't really know how to avoid these things...is there any placating trap setters?)

Ok, this article is pretty funny...it has a lot of female to male translation which apparently I can't do. Hahaha!

Another trap I heard of was telling the guy he could go to a strip club with friends and then getting mad at him for going to the strip club...even though she went too. That's just mighty unreasonable. I think if you have someone who is doing that to you, you have to evaluate whether unreasonableness is a fairly common occurrence in your relationship and if you want to live with that.

Anyhow, traps are bad, avoid is possible, deflect and minimize in all other circumstances. And be wary at all times. :)

More geek gift ideas

But dude, not like you have a lot of time now. :P Procrastinator!


These are some ideas from CNN. I guess they've been gloaming onto this geek culture thing lately. It's strange and I'm not sure I'm liking the mainstreaming of geek culture.

I love the Ed and Ein plushie but what's with the red box D&D? I mean, the red box is cool b/c it brings back nostalgia for the old basic sets but dude, you're pushing a starter set for geeks? What kind of geek is that?!

There's a first time for everything

Yikes, this is going to be a delicate topic and I'm not known for my delicacy or like tact...here's trying and I hope I don't offend too many people, but considering most of you know me personally, you'll probably live. :P

Sex is a huge deal. Doing it for the first time is an even huger deal. Especially for nerds that giggle when people would say the word and turn away with people kissed on tv. (I'm not even exaggerating here!) But I'm going to talk a little bit about it, not like HOW to do it, but more the psychological why or why nots...there are plenty of things that can help you with the hows. :P

First, it's not something to rush into. When people are teenagers and nerdy hormones were flooding through their body, they probably wanted to do something, but lets not discuss that, that's creeping me out. The point I'm trying to make is, don't rush it sex b/c your hormones tell you to. Your hormones are dumb and don't come from your brain (I think). Many poor regrettable decisions come from hormone based actions instead of logically thinking about it. Think about it, if you have the opportunity once, likely that opportunity will come up again and hopefully you'll have some time to evaluate the situation and decide if you're ready.

On the flip side, if you haven't yet and you're like getting "old", whatever you think is old don't stress. Stressing about sex is like a sure fire way to not attract someone. I'm sure I've talked about desperation as something that scares people away, so if it's not happening, just chill, work on your life, work on being happy and meeting new people and eventually things should happen.

You should also feel comfortable with the person. Don't just sleep with someone to get it out of the way. You should probably have some sort of emotional connection, and maybe you should know their last name.

Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Don't do it b/c you feel pressured into it by another person. If they're pressuring you, they're douches and you don't want to date douches.

If you're going to have sex, be considerate of the people you live with. Don't do it in the living room and then have your roomate bust in on you and your pasty white nerd butt. That's awkward and your roommate might be forced to blind themselves with brooches. Even if you're in your room, keep screaming to a minimum b/c really, that's not fun either.

Perhaps most importantly in regards to sex, is be safe. Make sure the person you're with isn't going to axe murder you or put poison in your ears. Make sure there aren't any unwanted babies and that you're on the same page about that topic. Make sure that there aren't going to be any diseases passed back and forth b/c there are some things that should not be shared. And I would add that make sure that you won't regret that decision later. I've heard that "you only regret the things you didn't do". Well that's stupid, I've regretted tons of things I've done, but what I mean is, make sure this is something that is right for you, at that time, and with the right person b/c your hormones aren't always working in your best interest.

Holiday Gift Giving (Geek Edition)

I did a blog post before on giving gifts but here's the geek specific version, YAY!

Here's some ideas for things you can get the nerd/geek in your life:

• Nerd shirts: try shirt woot or thinkgeek or nerdmachine (which is Zachary Levi's company) or sheldon's shirts.
  
• Technology like new video cards or whatever, but it's important to know what you're buying b/c you want to make sure it's compatible with what they already have and that it's an actual upgrade.
  
• Gadgets like swiss army knives and gerber multiplyers and such. These are just fun things. Also included in this category are flashlights and titanium sporks.
  
• DVDS/Bluray/video gamesbut make sure they don't have it already. A good thing to check is see if they have an amazon wishlist for things they're waiting for.
  
• You can never go wrong with a giftcard. Some people think they're impersonal but really, I don't think geeks will not appreciate a Best Buy giftcard. Just don't make it for like random places like upscale clothings stores which will not compute to your nerd audience.

Things to NOT do unless you want to confuse them or start a nerd rant:

• Things like cologne or hairstyling might be something they need but they probably won't understand why they're getting it, it might not be very appreciated and it may just sit in their cupboard forever.
  
• Don't mix up interests--Star Wars and Star Trek are two very different things...they might like both but it's possible that you could get into a very long explaination about how George Lucas has gone crazy and how 37 minutes of trade negotations is awesome. It might seem trival to you but it's not to your geek.
  
• Wrapping paper is nice. Bags are nice. Grocery bags are probably also ok. While we do appreciate a beautifully wrapped gift, your mother might appreciate it more.
  
• If you're going to give holiday cards, try to find unique ones. I like ones that are a bit strange rather than typical "yay christmas" cards. But for me personally, I'd rather have more present than a fancy card.
  

Ok, hopefully this helps some. Happy Holidays!