I was going to write about some other crap that I can't remember right now but I wanted to comment on the Gizmodo writer who met a guy on OkCupid and then found out it was he was a famous Magic:TG player and then got super weirded out by the whole thing.
Here's her original article.
The beginning of the article is fair. There are a lot of sleezy ass dudes on OkCupid who either can't spell or are really drunk and can't spell. She meets a normalish seeming dude and they exchange real names and she tells him to google her. She forgets to google him.
They go on a date, from her retelling, it sounds ok, even though the took her to see a play about Jeffrey Dahmer. Serial killers aside, it sounded like they talked about normal stuff. She did not say she didn't like him, but he mentions that he was a world champion of Magic and she googles him and promptly flips out.
To be fair, if I found out the guy I went on a date with was like the guy who created Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I would probably also flip out.....but just not in the way she did. She did not do a cute, fandom flip out. She pulls a "I can't deal with it, he's so nerdy" flip out. Which is really ironic since she works for a pretty nerdy website. Doesn't she have coworkers who are geeks?? Is it really that unusual? Isn't she basically saying that she hates nerds?? She liked him enough initially go on a second date with him. Or did she? There is some debate as to whether she actually liked him or wanted more material for her article.
She says the moral of her story is that people need to disclose when they're nerds. I think it was probably pretty clear that he's a nerd in his profile, and yeah, some things need to be disclosed but you don't need to mention every thing about your life. When I read a profile you can pick up signs if someone is a geek. Look at their hobbies, last book read, username. Hell, ASK THEM. But don't get all weirded out b/c someone didn't disclose that they play Magic, or are the world champion of Magic. Not everyone wants to tell people that stuff right out. I tell everyone I have to masters degrees b/c I'm an egomaniac, but not everyone is.
I say, stick with my original advice which is, if you're on a mainstream dating site and you don't mind finding someone who is more mainstream it's ok to not let your geek flag fly on your profile. Don't hide it, Magic guy didn't, but just like you shouldn't headline your profile with "I <3 boobs" (even though it's probably true) you should not announce right out that you are an 85th level warlock.
I think more importantly than her idea that people disclose that they are nerds, people should disclose if they are biased against certain groups of people. If you hate nerds, maybe YOU need to tell us that. If you can't stand fantasy football, that's something that YOU should disclose. Can't stand whistling, that's your issue, you tell us. And then you'll look like the crazy person. So indeed, why is the burden of disclosure on the geek? Ha, riddle me that!
So, gizmodo lady, you are nuts. If that date was bad, that's fair, but to judge so harshly for a man's hobbies is shallow. It obviously wasn't the only thing he was able to talk about but did become the only thing that you were able to once you found out. And I'm just going to be the bitch who says it, there's probably a good reason why you're still single...
Also, why do you get to write for a geeky website when you don't seem to like geeks very much? I'll take your job!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Rushing the Process
If you're online dating, there's usually some hoops that need to be jumped through before you meet someone. It seems like a hassle but they are probably there for a reason.
In e-harmony there's an incredibly elaborate process before you actually get to freely message someone. If both parties check and progress one step everyday, it would still take over a week before you can message. It's a pain but if it's important to go through it, b/c if you're both honest when giving information and carefully reading posts, then you'll be able to weed out people who are not good matches.
Like in the previous post where I talk about the importance of reading, those steps are there to help you get to know each other beyond the typical, age, height, job, hobbies questions but discuss things that are also important like are you an introvert or extrovert, what are you life goals, do you like to travel, do you want kids? Yes, you could find out those questions the old fashioned way (talking, OMG!) but if you have a goal of meeting a long term partner, do you want to find out you have a lot of personality and physical chemistry only to find out that one of you wants to travel the world and the other wants to stay in their hometown?? (Ala Ted and Robin from HIMYM) I know some people like the excitement and the whirlwind romance but I'm for finding out as much as possible in the beginning so I know what I'm getting into.
So if the dating site has a series of steps you need to take before sending you out into the meat market, take it seriously b/c some of us are, and if we wanted a free for all, we'd have joined match...or okcupid.
In e-harmony there's an incredibly elaborate process before you actually get to freely message someone. If both parties check and progress one step everyday, it would still take over a week before you can message. It's a pain but if it's important to go through it, b/c if you're both honest when giving information and carefully reading posts, then you'll be able to weed out people who are not good matches.
Like in the previous post where I talk about the importance of reading, those steps are there to help you get to know each other beyond the typical, age, height, job, hobbies questions but discuss things that are also important like are you an introvert or extrovert, what are you life goals, do you like to travel, do you want kids? Yes, you could find out those questions the old fashioned way (talking, OMG!) but if you have a goal of meeting a long term partner, do you want to find out you have a lot of personality and physical chemistry only to find out that one of you wants to travel the world and the other wants to stay in their hometown?? (Ala Ted and Robin from HIMYM) I know some people like the excitement and the whirlwind romance but I'm for finding out as much as possible in the beginning so I know what I'm getting into.
So if the dating site has a series of steps you need to take before sending you out into the meat market, take it seriously b/c some of us are, and if we wanted a free for all, we'd have joined match...or okcupid.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Guaranteed Failure
Dating can be very challenging and annoying and you meet a lot of weirdos out there. Sometimes you want to give up, but giving up is the worst thing you can do b/c giving up on dating is the only you're guaranteed to fail. Since no one wants to become the crazy cat lady or the dude who still lives in his mom's basement it's important to keep trying even thought dating is not easy.
If you're having a rough time finding dates, it's ok to take a break and spend time with friends, explore hobbies, take some cooking classes like you've always wanted to. Improve yourself and your mental well being. Work on eating better and showering regularly. But that does not mean give up, it means work on yourself and maybe in a bit when you're feeling recharged, you'll have more success at dating. B/c just like if you play too much WoW, you can get burned out, going on too many bad dates can also burn out you. Or being rejected a lot will really burn you out too.
But the only people who are guaranteed to fail in love are the ones that give up entirely. I know of a lot of people who never leave their rooms except when necessary and are sad b/c they're alone. Dude, you're alone b/c you're in your room the entire time. It is highly unlikely you'll ever meet someone in your room, b/c even if you meet someone online, you'll have to leave your room at some point to see them. But anyhow, giving up = hermit life. And as much as nerds love to be antisocial, you still need some real human interaction to keep from becoming the next unibomber.
If you're having a rough time finding dates, it's ok to take a break and spend time with friends, explore hobbies, take some cooking classes like you've always wanted to. Improve yourself and your mental well being. Work on eating better and showering regularly. But that does not mean give up, it means work on yourself and maybe in a bit when you're feeling recharged, you'll have more success at dating. B/c just like if you play too much WoW, you can get burned out, going on too many bad dates can also burn out you. Or being rejected a lot will really burn you out too.
But the only people who are guaranteed to fail in love are the ones that give up entirely. I know of a lot of people who never leave their rooms except when necessary and are sad b/c they're alone. Dude, you're alone b/c you're in your room the entire time. It is highly unlikely you'll ever meet someone in your room, b/c even if you meet someone online, you'll have to leave your room at some point to see them. But anyhow, giving up = hermit life. And as much as nerds love to be antisocial, you still need some real human interaction to keep from becoming the next unibomber.
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