fake relationships

This recent article on CNN has spurred me onto writing about this topic, the fake relationship.

The fake relationship is a dangerous trap, especially for geek guys. How do you know you're in a fake relationship? Well it's basically when you have a friend of the opposite gender (usually unless you're not into the opposite gender but I don't have first hand knowledge of this, so I'm just speculating there) who you spend a lot of time with and you guys talk on the phone all the time and you might be best friends but you're not dating for sure. Or are you?

You might be in a fake relationship if:
*Your friend calls all the time and tells you everything that is going on.
*You hang out every single weekend together and alone.
*You furniture and/or grocery shop regularly.
*You're the first person they count on in an emergency.
AND
*You're not getting any (sex).

If you're getting a little somethin' something you are probably friends with benefits or just in massive denial but if you're not, and you're being used for emotional support and all the things that people like being in a relationship for but without the commitment, it's the fake girlfriend/boyfriend syndrome. This probably occurs b/c the other person has been hurt a lot in previous relationships and doesn't want to "ruin" friendships.

Why is this bad you ask? Maybe the guy wants to be used this way. There are several reasons why it's bad, even though on the surface it seems like it's a good idea.

1. It prevents either party from moving on in their life. If they are getting the emotional benefits of dating without other drama, it allows them to remain in this phase which doesn't require them to change or adapt or grow. Sometimes the past sucks and we don't want to revisit that kind of pain but sometimes you gotta jump back into the waters if you want something real.

2. One person might get more emotionally invested in the friendship. I think that generally the user has a pretty clear idea that they don't want to get into an actual dating relationship but the other person (the usee) doesn't necessary know that. They might hang around b/c they're waiting to see if the other person will suddenly want to start dating them and then it's like, "Hey i'm right here! You can date me! I've been supportive this whole time!" and that's not cool b/c they're just getting strung along.

3. Ok, I only have two reasons why it's bad, but they are pretty good (bad) reasons.

So what do if you find yourself in one of these. Well I think the simplest thing to do is just fade out. This is true for either the user or the usee. You can't have a break up b/c you weren't actually dating but just start doing stuff without that person. Don't call them for every little thing. Don't spend every Saturday at the swapmeet with him. You can still be friends but don't make them the fake relationship. They'll be maybe a little confused and a little hurt but I think it ultimately is better in the long run for everyone involved.

I guess HIMYM just did this topic like last week or whatever but I'm not stealing it! I don't watch tv on tv and this is something that I've been thinking about for a while. I'm trying to think of a geek analogy for this, b/c geek guys have been abused by women for forever in the vain hope that she'll wanna get with him someday.

Oh, I know, it's like in Big Bang Theory and the relationship Penny has with Leonard. She does hang out all the time and she calls him whenever she has breakups or other bad things and she has him do favors for her like get tvs, and hook up her sound system but in the beginning anyhow, he was just her friend and neighbor. I ask, where the hell are her other friends? Doesn't she have girl friends she can call and cry with when she breaks up with that cheating physicist? No, she goes over and finds Leonard b/c he's the fake boyfriend. And I haven't seen the current season but up until the end of the second season anyhow, it's all tangley and they're all confused so it's not a great idea. Don't do it to someone else, and don't let it happen to you or you'll also end up with no pants...but not in the good way.