And I refer to dating a non-geek. Now if you've read my earlier blog post on the topic (wow I was going to link to it but now I totally can't find it, FAIL!) you'll see that I'm rather strongly opposed to dating non-geeks. I think that although you can bridge stuff like age, and race, and religion, nerd culture is a think unto itself and being a geek can bring together people of all kinds and make them friends b/c they're geeking out over Iron Man 2. (omg, so excited it's coming out this week! yay!)
But I suppose there are good reasons why someone would date a non-geek. Although I haven't dated a non-nerd, I have friends that are not nerds and it's probably a similar idea. Even though you might not have a lot in common with them, your personalities just click really well. I suppose this could happen with a relationship too. After all, I think I did say that similar hobbies are only part of determining chemistry. I'm sure you know people with whom you have a lot of hobbies in common with but just don't get along with them, well, this is the opposite. And having a similar outlook on life and stuff like that is very important.
So how can you make it work? Couple of tips that I can think of:
1) Honesty-- don't go into a relationship hoping to change the other person. You're not going to make them a geek and they're not going to make you "normal". Well I guess one of you might "win" but really they're not going to be completely happy and shouldn't you like someone for who they are currently? I mean this has happened to friends before and I just don't understand why you'd want to do this. It makes me sad when people ask their SO's when they're going to give up playing D&D. So yeah, don't go into a relationship hoping to make someone a geek or not a geek. Date them for who they are, and maybe they'll start playing board games but don't expect them to join the 501st with you and dress up like a stormtrooper (yum, stormtroopers!).
2) Giving each other space-- this is important in relationships, the ability to respect each other's space and boundaries. Yeah yeah, you're in love, you live together, but that doesn't mean you're attached at the hip (all the time). I think it's vital to give each other space and time to do the things they want to do, especially if the other person doesn't enjoy it. One person likes to bike ride? Then bike ride with friends. One person likes to play video games? Give them time to video game away. Use the time they're away to enjoy other things, like painting minis, shopping, gardening, watching old episodes of dr. who, whatever floats your boat. Don't use it to think about why you can't be together at this time and like hound them on the phone asking them when the game is going to be over. You're just going to get them into trouble and you'll hear a lot of whipping sounds in the background. It's not good, so learn to be happy alone for a couple of hours.
3) Something in common-- even if the other person isn't a geek, maybe they do get nerdily excited about strange things like cooking or dogs or flower arranging. I think you can bond over these things. Get excited about whatever they get excited about, take interest. It doesn't have to become your new favorite thing but you should try to at least understand why it's important to them so if they want to talk to you about it, you can stay something more intelligent than, "that's cool." If there is something you both really like to do together, job or eat out or whatever, then that's great and do that.
4) Don't neglect your SO-- this is the deathtrap. It's important to give each other space, but don't neglect each other and their needs either. If you game, don't ignore the other person b/c you're finishing up a quest. So I guess this really is, be considerate. No one wants to drive over to see you and then be stuck watching you kill the boss...unless they're really into that, but honestly, that's probably not most non-geeks.
So I guess those are the main things that will help maintain a geek/non-geek relationship, although they can be applied to all relationships really. Dating a non-nerd might be more work, but could also be more rewarding too? You won't know until you try. :)
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