Generally this shyness is only noticeable when you venture from your geek brethren and into groups of “normal people”. You know, the kind of people who don’t understand why you bring five large boxes of books with you to college and can’t quote the Simpsons and think that playing D&D means you actually hit each other with swords.
So unless you want to date and social with only other geeks (which I generally advise but isn’t always possible) here’s some tips for improving your social skills and getting over the shyness barrier.
1. Practice, practice, practice. You don’t even have to practice on people you want to date. You can practice on people in grocery stores, at work, on your friend’s friends. Try to initiate a conversation (not with stressed hurried people though). It doesn’t have to be long, just a few sentences. Even if they don’t say much back, it’s not failure, b/c the point is for YOU to start interacting when you are out in the public. This is a good time to try “small talk”.
2. Remember geeks are cool now. If you’re my age, you remember when being smart and geeky meant your social life was doomed. And this may have traumatized you. But times are a changin’ and it’s ok to be geeky as long as you can fake some basic social skills. When talking to “normals” do not go on and use too much geek verbage, it’ll scare them off and don’t tell them about how awesome your level 20 half orc/half demon bard is. That’s just weird (really a bard?!), at first stick to more accessible topics like superhero movies or tv shows like the Walking Dead which are geeky but are still semi mainstream.
3. If you’re talking to strangers, remember it doesn’t matter what you say, they’re strangers. You probably won’t see them again so if something accidental goes bad, it’s ok, you won’t have to see them again.
4. Remember that if you were going to meet someone sitting alone in your room, it would have happened by now. PERIOD.
5. Not everyone is looking at you. I quit a lot of activities as a kid b/c I thought people were watching me and judging me and thinking, “dude, she sucks.” And I missed out on a lot of cool chance to learn things too. Goodbye tap-dancing career! It wasn’t until after college when I took karate I realised that everyone is pretty busy trying to figure their own shit out, and they’re probably not judging you...and if they are, so what? You’re doing your best, and putting yourself out there. If they’re haters, they can go to hell.
6. Make eye contact and smile at people. This is good if you work with people. It’s a small step towards “passing as a normal”. People like other people who smile and acknowledge their existence. Is it lame to need validation from other human beings? Yes, but it’s important anyhow.
7. You have to want to change. If you’re ok hibernating in your room alone in the dark that’s cool. But you need to be super honest with yourself too. If you’re just telling yourself that you’re happy playing the latest MMORPG b/c you’re too scared of rejection that isn’t actually happy. That’s just chicken.
So hopefully this is some advice for getting out there and talking to people and maybe you’ll move up to talking to people you find cute without turning into Spazzy McGee. You can do it!!
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