Who are you?

One of the things I've had to think about lately is identity. What makes you you. I self identify as many things, librarian, geek, dog owner, panda-hater. But is that all I am? No, there are more than just labels that make up what makes you unique.


But what about the biggest label of them all, your name? Your name is a very personal thing, so what happens if your name is no longer your own? Have you suddenly become another person? Would a rose by any other name smell as sweet? Technically roses would smell the same if they were called buttweed but you know they're not. I would be the same person I am now if my name changed technically. Still all the same attributes overall (although I've have to change my gmail address!!!) but still, a name is an important thing. If it wasn't, why would parents agonize over what they're going to name their children and then give them weird names like Apple, or Shiloh or Pilot Inspektor.

I think that tradition is important but also being true to what you believe is ultimately more important. So just like you shouldn't change your core self for another person, you shouldn't HAVE to change your name either if you don't want to. For me, I don't love my name, it's kind of strange but it's mine and I don't think any other name would fit me since I'm kinda strange too. So don't change your name if you feel strongly about the thing, but if your name is Ima Buttweed, dude, totally change your name, and your parents are sadistic bastards.

Time: the Ravager

It's often said, "With time comes wisdom," however with that wisdom also comes other less positive things such as winkles, weight gain, white hair, and random aches and pains in your back.


We nerds are not immune to the ravages of time. We may often look younger than we are b/c we avoid sunlight and the resulting skin damage, we make up for that in lack of physical exercise. What's the point of all this? The point is, don't date or try to date someone b/c they're the hottest thing ever. Looks will fade, and even with plastic surgery, they won't look right, so find someone with substance, like intelligence and personality b/c that lasts much longer. If you're looking for a long term relationship, remember what they look like at 20 or 30 or even 40 is not going to be what they look like at 50 and up. Make sure their personality is a worthwhile one.

So unless you're some crazy rich software executive who's going to trade in his trophy wife for a new model periodically (which does qualify you as a douche), find a wife worth sticking with and that you'll want to grow old with.

Thank you Adam Sandler

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, and even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man who grows old with you.

[Robbie & Julia]
I'll miss you, kiss you, take your shoes off and rub your feet.
Need you, feed you, and when we play checkers i'll let you cheat.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the one who grows old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

You're welcome.

OkCupid enslaved (I mean purchased) by Match.com

There's been some stuff flying around the internet now that OkCupid has been purchased by Match.com for something like $50 million. Meaning one of the largest free dating sites is now owned by one of the largest not free dating sites. While Match.com CEO guy says that they intend to keep OkCupid free b/c it serves a different demographic than Match.com I'm not sure that OkCupid users will be best served by the purchase. As an independent company, it is it's own priority, but I would assume that Match.com as a subscription based company generates more revenue than any website which runs off of ad revenue. Therefore it's in Match's best interest to funnel OkCupid's users to Match.com. This article from the Atlantic says what we all just said.

I believe it's just a fundamental conflict of interest. Companies are out there to make money, not to matchmake for free b/c they love romance. And more paid subscribers equals more money. So what does OkCupid think about it? Well although they have denied that it has anything to do with the aquisition by Match, they have taken down their OkTrends blog post on Why You Should Never Pay for Dating Sites, so I have included a link to a screen shot of it. While I don't necessarily agree with all of their logic about being "better than Match or Eharmony" I do agree that OkCupid serves a different market of broke ass young people looking to date/hook up.

So how will it play out? Do I think they'll leave OkCupid alone forever? I doubt it, it's like when China got Hong Kong back...it's sorta seperate but sorta under China's control but it certainly ain't as "free" as it used to be. I think Match may start to restrict features that are currently free on OkCupid, either encouraging you to pay for 'gold status' for access or to move to Match which has that feature. In that case, I think that users will move to a new dating community which is free b/c while many companies want us to pay for internet content...most of us probably won't.

What's interesting is the blog that they wrote about subscription based dating is still fundamentally true. Even if some of the numbers are off, just from experience, we all know that this is basically correct. That there are way too many nerdy guys online looking for love and way too many picky ass girls who don't necessarily want to date geeks. But this is true I think of all dating sites. Most girls get bombarded with messages and guys have to send out billions of messages to girls that will probably never respond.

What's the solution? Figure out where the heck all the women have gone! Probably people need to work on removing the stigma of online dating. If it became more widely known that yes, normal people can meet online, and not just creepy dudes, maybe more women would sign up, but according to this (possibly) authoratitve article says, guys sign up for sites with free pictures of women and women sign up for dating sites that involve fees and a longer registration form. They took it to mean that women actually want to date (or love filling out forms) on a dating site and that men just want free pictures of chicks. And that is not going to help the remove the image of the skeezy guy online.

Oh, so what's the point of this blog post? Uh, I guess, that nothing in life is free?