The Desperate

Desperation. We've all felt it. But nothing is worse for destroying what could be potentially a great relationship (except perhaps smelling like a sewer or bringing your mom on the first date) than being overly desperate.

Desperation can emerge if you haven't dated for a while and you really want a girlfriend again. Desperation can emerge if you've liked someone for a long time and you're finally going out for the first time. Basically desperation is really really bad.

Why is it bad? B/c girls can totally tell you're desperate. You'll probably be extra nervous, and try waaaaay too hard and while we want you to be nice, we also don't want you to be all awkward and nervous sweaty. Desperate will drive us away b/c it's scary.

So here's how not to be desperate, be happy with yourself and your life before you start going out. You need to like who you are as a person. Your life should not revolve around how miserable and alone you are. Hang out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies. Think about the movie I Love You Man. The main character needed to find a guy friend before he could be a complete human people. Happy people are people we want to be around, not people who are waiting for a girlfriend to complete them. My general advice, a girl is not going to fill the void in your soul. I think a lot of times when people are emotionally healthy and ready to find someone, they will but if you date before then, even if you end up together, it might not be a very healthy relationship.

If you find yourself in a situation where you're pseudo dating a girl that you've liked for a long time, don't scare her off. You may already be friends and know the her pretty well but don't go in with a huge amount of expectations b/c knowing someone as a friend versus as a date is very different. I've known relationships that were doomed b/c one of the people involved just had completely unrealistic ideas of how things would be and couldn't resolve the reality versus what he had built up in his head. This totally happened to me (and I was not guilt free of desperation either) and seriously, bad news all around! So take it easy, and let things evolve naturally.

Also if you were friends beforehand, remember that for a lot of girls, we have to transition you from friend group to more than friend group and that can take some time. Don't assume just b/c it's maybe more than a date that she's ready for like making out and holding hands and grand romantic gestures right away. I think a lot of guys can be friends with a girl they like. Girls tend to separate their feelings from their guy friends...they like you like a friend, not as a potential dating partner. So they need time to think of you in a different framework. Don't push things b/c you'll just push them away.