To Date a Geek or Non-Geek?

This is the age old question, older than “which came first, the chicken or the egg”; should nerds date non-nerds? Mixed status dating can have it benefits but can also bring complications as well. There are no right answers obviously in this complicated issue, but I’ll be sure as heck to share my opinion on this topic! :P

The simple answer would be, no nerds should stick to dating nerds, like with like. And actually this is what I have done. All of my serious relationships have been with people who could easily be classified as nerds if they didn’t already self identify as such. I’ve also dated some people who would be considered asocial but really while asocial behavior can come with the nerd package, being asocial does not a nerd make. Of course dating a nerd does not mean a relationship will automatically succeed, but I think that having a group of common interests can a foundation to start a friendship on and it’s important to also consider the person you date to be a friend too.

Dating a geek means you generally will have more in common: hobbies, fanboy/girl tendencies, social skill levels etc. This is very useful b/c it’s convenient if the person understands your pop culture references. It’s frustrating to have to explain what a wookie sounds like (unfortunately I can’t do the roar).

You’re probably also going to have similar habits, nocturnal lifestyles, regular visits to bookstores/comic bookstores/game stores, and enjoy staying in. (total nerd stereotypes here, you bet! Am I totally this person, you bet!) This is also very convenient.

But for guys anyhow, finding a nerd girl can be difficult. I don’t have any numbers on this, I tried finding some online but I couldn’t find any other than stuff on the percent of women going into IT and science fields. But if you go into the average geek haven, the aforementioned game stores, comicbook stores, sf/fantasy aisles of your local bookstore, there generally aren’t very many women. I have noticed that if you go to anime stores, there are more women but I don’t think I could say they are majority there either. Anyhow, all this leads to, there is a shortage of geek women. And also making it worse, not only are there fewer of us, but we tend to hide in our little nerd caves.

So since you can’t find a geek girl, you might be tempted to wander away from your kind. I have friends who have made this mixed relationships work and I have friends who have tried and crashed and burned in the effort.

I think the key is if you date a non-geek you must find:

1) Someone geek tolerant. Meaning that even if they aren’t going to play WoW with you, they understand your need to play the game. This is someone who isn’t going to get on your case and ask when you’re going to “grow up and quit playing” but they might understandably get upset if you were to ignore them to raid or play obsessively.

2) Someone who allows you to have your geek outlets. Again, if they don’t want to game with you, they will allow you to spaz out periodically with your geeky friends. This is probably also someone who isn’t going to call every 30 minutes when you’re in the middle of a D&D game.

3) Someone who shares your enthusiasm for something. You will probably have to have some other similar passions. Is it a love for beers or sports or musicals? I think if she is also a fangirl for something, they are more likely to be ok with your fan obsessiveness.

4) Someone who respects you and your hobbies. This is really just an important trait for anyone, not just nerds. The person you date shouldn’t be ashamed of you or what you do in your spare time. If they like you, they should like all of you. So this means that if you’re out in public and you want to wear your Star Trek uniform, they should be ok with it b/c this is who you are. You shouldn’t have to lie to her parents or friends about what you do on the weekends.

So there are a lot of benefits to dating a fellow nerd, but with a little more effort, dating a non-nerd can work. I just don’t do it b/c I’m lazy plus dating a geek means he can help you with your html. :)