Fights within a relationship are not necessarily a sign that a relationship is bad or ultimately unworkable. Afterall, you are two separate people and you're bound to have differing ideas on something eventually. What determines if a fight is bad or not is how you handle yourself in a fight and how you resolve it (or don't).
I've read a couple of articles on this, so I'll try to recap what those said and just for fun mix in what I think is good too. Wahaha. You guys will never know...
So how to have an argument, first of all, don't pick fights. If you've had a bad day, don't come home and pick a fight, b/c yeah, that's not going to make you feel better knowing you've just pissed off your significant other. Plenty of people come to the library in a bad mood and are just dicks to us and it's really hard for us to not "pay that forward". Spread good moods, not your shitty ones but it sucks for the recipient.
Picking fights also tends to cause another problem in fights, not fighting about the topic that you're mad about. I think a lot of women do this, where they're mad but they won't tell you why they're mad or they say it's about not picking up your socks but it's really b/c your mother is coming over to say for like a month. Basically, people should tell a person why they're mad and explain why. Nothing can be resolved if you don't talk about the problem. My mom does this, she actually transplants her anger from my dad to us. This is not fair. We can't fix my dad. And if you don't talk about your problem how can you both work on making it better? Even if making it better is only talking about it and then having some chocolate pudding after b/c sometimes you just need to vent.
Which leads me to venting. Sometimes you just need a good venting/ranting session. Again the goal is not to be bad at your partner but they may be witness to your rage (*SHIRLEY SMASH!*) and hopefully your partner will be empathetic. If you sense this is a venting situation, sometimes it's better to just stay back and then the rage go on b/c it's not something you can necessarily fix. Adding comments like, "If you hate your job so much, then find another one," aren't necessarily helpful... That's trying to fix the problem, this situation just calls for things like, "Uh huh, yeah, your boss sounds like a real whackjob," allow some time, and then add when calming down, "Do you want to go get frozen yogurt?"
Another rule, don't argue about things that have no answer. "Who would win Dr. Doom or the Joker?" isn't really an argument with an end. It's all opinions and yeah, you could quote issue blah of blah and say, well Dr. Doom defeated this guy and then the Joker fought the same guy he lost (this is assuming there was some DC/Marvel comic crossover issues). First of all, in comics, if A>B and B>C that does not mean that A>C, second of all, there is not solution to this. Not that everything needs to solved but it's a philosophical debate. It's like arguing over why Sylar sucks...he just does. You can't change anything, quit arguing over it. The show is still going to suck. Don't pick fights either. One of my pet peeves is when the other person plays devil's advocate b/c yeah, YOU don't even support that topic. You can't probably debate someone if they don't believe the topic b/c you're not arguing with logic, just debating for the sake of debate.
Look, he just sucks!Don't argue over things that can't be changed. Things like dumping all of their friends, or their family. Not realistic, especially if they have a decent relationship with them. If it's an unhealthy relationship that's different but if they get along with their family, and you just hate one of their siblings...that's not good. Work on trying to get along, you don't have to be best friends (no one asked you to be) but work on civility and this is a good opportunity to practice your social skills.
If you do get in a real argument, don't call names, and don't bring up old topics that aren't relevant but you are still bitter over. Don't bring up past boyfriends or girlfriends. I mean it's personal, but don't make it personal, does that make sense? If crazy emotions start getting tossed in there, then it just gets really messy. Maybe I just don't like messes.
It is said that guys want to solve problems when girls just want sympathy/empathy. I dunno about that, my first inclination is to try to solve problems, but this dichotomy can also be the source of problems. I think that whatever gender stereotype you fall under, know which one you tend to do and understand that there are benefits and downsides to each type. If you're a problem solver, try to be more empathic so you don't come across as a emotionless bastard robot. If you're an empathizer don't get bogged down too much in the emotions and be a bit more practical. (Hey, shut up out there, I'm trying to be more empathetic, it's really hard! I never said this crap was easy!)
And never escalate to actually physical fighting. It shouldn't ever get there and although words can hurt, a kick to the face hurts more.
The key is try to understand the other person, try to keep communication lines open, don't get personal, avoid arguments with no solution, and no kicks to the face or knees (belly is ok).
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