you think too much

This is for all you over-analyzers out there.

In nerd world we are blessed with things like intelligence, powers of observation, and a disturbing recollection of every Star Trek episode aired, however we make up for these positives with weaknesses such as a general lack of social skills and a paralyzing fear of the opposite sex.

What this results in is nerds over-analyzing everything. EVERYTHING. What did that box represent in the last episode of Lost?! It's just a box! (Actually I'm totally making that up b/c I don't watch Lost but I know that people love to read into every little thing on that show.) When it comes to relationships, or potential future relationships we fall into the same traps. ("It's a tarp!" Did I make that joke last time? B/c it's still funny to me! :P) Here's a classic example, there's a cute girl you see on a regular basis, perhaps you work together or you hang out at the same place. Sometimes she smiles at you or says hi. You've had a couple of very short conservations about trivialities. A regular guy might just think, "hey she's a nice person." The over-analyzer thinks, "dude, maybe she LIKES ME b/c she's nice and she talks to me and I think we'd have a lot in common. I think she's maybe even flirting. I should totally like stalk her and ask her out. Perhaps not in that order."

Thought patterns like this aren't healthy. As someone who spends a lot of time in male dominated areas such as game stores and comic book stores, you can encounter a lot of over-analyzers. Again, this is where being nice can bite you in the ass, b/c the guys start thinking...oh she's nice...she might like me...I need to ask her out (or in my case, invite me to join their D&D games). I will say at least in my case, I'm just being nice...and if I'm at work and being nice, then I'm paid to be nice to people...it's really not you, it's my job.


Ok, so here's the next step in the over-analyzer's brain, you've already convinced yourself that she's awesome and she might like you. So you go and tell all your friends about the situation and try to get them to give their input. Here you are looking for affirmation of your craziness. Say you ask 20 people and 19 of them are like, "nah, she's just being nice", that 1 person who said, "dude, go for it!", that's the person you're going to listen to, b/c you've just ignored logic and reasoning and you really just want someone to agree with you. And say your friends are also antisocial types who like to over-analyze women, and they do agree with your assessment; it's still a bad idea b/c they have a skewed opinion. They too want to believe in these circumstances and so will agree b/c then it validates their own crazy crushes on random women.

Next, with advice in tow you ask her out. It's probably going to be a really awkward, stilted kind of ask out b/c face it, we're awkward people. You might ask her out in person or via text or facebook if you know her a little. In person, she might hem and haw but not answer, perhaps changing the topic or saying that she needs to find you a girlfriend, or that she's pretty busy. This answer is not a yes. True, she didn't say no, but if she meant yes, she'd say yes. Let me refer you to a previous post, no means no but let me add the corollary, no answer probably also means no too. If you text or facebook ask her out and she doesn't answer, that also means no. It's unlikely the message was lost or that she didn't check her messages--she's ignoring you and hope you go away.

So what is the average geek over-thinker going to do? Give up? Hells no! They're going to try again. They might go a direct route by just asking again, esp since she didn't say no, she could say yes this time! Let me just say that future attempts will probably not be more successful. The geek might go about it a more sneaky way by telling the girl, "let's be friends". You are trying to trap her, b/c if she agrees to be friends, your goal is to not be her friend, it's to show her how great of a potential boyfriend you could be that she'll totally realise she's a freaking idiot and should totally date you. Again, a really flawed plan b/c she's going to figure out that your intentions are not pure...and then she's going to kick you to the curb again.

Ok, here's the new you. Quit overthinking it. If you think about the situation more than you've actually interacted with that girl, you're over-analyzing it. If there is a nice girl, sure you can ask her out but don't piss and moan about the whole situation while you review in your head every single thing she said to you. And if she doesn't answer, move on. And if she says no, move on. While I'm not advocating all action and no thought, I'm saying that sometimes things are straightforward. For the over-analyzer, maybe what you should be evaluating is the way you approach relationships.