Does age matter?

How young is too young? How old is too old?

Let me say right off that unless you’re 18 or younger, girls or boys under 18 are not allowable. Even in Scott Pilgrim, when he dates a high schooler and they didn’t even do anything, it was still wrong in so many ways, so avoid high schoolers and younger…and if you’re not sure how old someone is ask, and possibly check IDs b/c I don’t think, “she looked over 18!” is a valid legal defense.

But assuming she’s over 18, how young is too young? I’ve heard from a lot of guys that dating an 18 year old is always ok. I’ve heard of the “divide your age in half and add seven” rule. Here’s some examples of that for the mathematically challenged. If you’re 18, 18 divided by 2 is 9 plus 7 is 16. So that’s like a senior dating a sophomore…kinda wrong but not horrible. If you’re 30, 30 divided by 2 plus 7 is 22, which seems ok ish too. It starts breaking down when the guy gets really old. If the guy is 60, 60 divided by 2 is 30, plus 7 is 37? How many 37 year olds want to date guys in their 60s? I’ll discuss that problem later…but overall, I guess the half plus 7 rule works decently as a general guideline.

Things that modify the rules:

If you or the other person has kids, realize that if they’re a decent parent, they’re going to be on a different wave length than you maturity/responsibility wise. You can be super responsible for a single dude, but it’s nothing like having to wake up in the middle of the night to a puking kid and having to deal with that.

If you have similar interests that can help bridge large age differences. So they’re old Trek and you’re new Trek, your shared love of phasers and teleportation and pointy ears can give you common ground and things to talk about and debate over. New Spock vs. Old Spock!

Have they started their career yet? Be aware of someone that’s still in school when you start dating b/c people change a lot in college and just after. It’s a huge transition period and a lot of couples I know that dated in high school or in college broke up soon after graduation. I’m not saying all will, I’m just saying that you will want to take that into consideration if you’re looking for a long term relationship. Also b/c who knows where their future career will take them. And long distance relationships are the pits.

Do you/will they want kids? Kids are a huge deal to many people and are often dealbreakers. If you’re 35 and you’re dating a 20 year old (out of the range!) are they going to want to have children right away? Do you? If they don’t want to have kids til after they’ve established their career which could be like 5 years, do you want to be a first time parent at 40? I dunno, it’s your decision but don’t take choices like that lightly. Now also lets look at the opposite, when the lady is getting older. If you’re dead set on having biological children and your lady is over 40, you might have to get realistic, b/c it becomes much more difficult to have children and there are increased health risks as women age. I know movie stars do it all the time, but who knows what the processes they went through to get there and they’re like crazy healthy people who drink nothing but green power smoothies all the time and jog endlessly, and generally geeks are like couch potatoes who drink a lot of mountain dew. We’re not at quite the same level. A 40 year old celebrity (if they don’t load up on the drugs) is like a 25 year old nerd healthwise.

How old do you act? Some people are old souls and some are young souls. My mom is old enough to have retired but she has more energy than a lot of 20 year olds I know. I know people in high school who are already world wary. Someone who’s very mature could date someone who’s more of a young spirit even if there was a big age gap.

But lets get realistic. We’re geeks. We aren’t going to be 70 and still get to date blonde twins like Hugh Hefner. Maybe as we age, we need to be realistic about our expectations. No body ever wants to think that they’re old but certainly other people start thinking of us in that way. So if you’re 45, and you still want children, does a 30 year old want to date you? Yeah you might be financially stable but if you were conceive that child instantly, you’re still going to be eligible to withdraw social security (assuming it’s still around by then) by the time your first child is heading to college. Does your spouse want potentially to be a widow for 20 years? (assuming there’s a 15 year age cap and the average life expectancy in the US is 75 for men and 80 for women)

Another thing to consider is if one of you starts acting like a parent to the other person. You need a partner, not a parent. This seems like common sense to me. Do I need to elaborate?

Ultimately, I’m not saying, you have to date people your own age, or even people around your own age. What I’m saying is think about what you really need to be happy and if that’s realistic. Could you be happy adopting or having no children? Waiting several years to get married? Dating someone with children, even adult children? Unfortunately not everything turns out the way we plan, but the key is to decide on some core needs and don’t worry about the rest so much.

(Oh, why am I thinking about age?? b/c I just had a birthday and I've officially become an old lady! hahaha! T_T)