First part, dealing with dumpage.
Being on the receiving end of a breakup sucks. That's why so many movies and books and songs are made about breakups. Actually all breaking up sucks but here's why being on the receiving end specifically sucks.
You might not have known it was coming. Sure the relationship was crap and you were fighting all the time, but you were in love right? RIGHT?!? Unfortunately you were given the old heave ho and now you're just blowing in the wind. When you don't know it's coming, you won't have an exit strategy, it's like getting kicked in the groin, it's going to hurt either way, but at least you can prepare if you see the foot coming.
You probably won't have closure. Especially if the relationship ends abruptly, you might not know what when wrong. For nerds this could be a particular problem b/c we aren't great at reading the signs of trouble in a relationship. If you were dumped via email or text or chat, you're probably also going to get less closure. If the break up occurs in person, there may be some kind of explanation but when they do it via electronics, it's probably b/c they don't want to talk to you and explain that, "no, they really don't like monty python."
Ok, I'm sure there are more reasons why being dumped sucks but you get the idea.
Now how to deal with it.
Cry it out. Or mope or eat cookies and ice cream. Watch cheesy movies. Hang out with your best friends and make them listen to your depression. Then move on. You can't spend the rest of your life moping over this person. Even if they were the most perfect, bestest, person in the whole wide world...move on. You know why? B/c they did. Go and do the things you couldn't do when you were dating, go and play WoW everyday after work in your underwear, stay out all night with your friends and not have to check in, fart in bed. (Man, I'm starting to miss single life after all this talk! j/k honey!) Don't internet stalk them or stalk them in general. I know there is a temptation to stalk your ex. Don't do this. If you know any of their passwords, don't use them. Don't log into their facebook and read their messages. Whatever you read isn't going to make you get back together or make you feel any better. So just don't do it. Take the high road here. A corrolary here, if you have any of your ex's friends or family's number or know where they live, don't bug them about it. Ultimately, it's your ex's decision and bugging them isn't going to get him/her to change their mind.
Don't try to wheedle you way back into a relationship with the person. They broke up with you for a reason. Maybe you think it's a stupid reason, and it may legitimately be a stupid reason but still, it's done. Pleading isn't going to win you any brownie points, keep your dignity. And if they're just doing this for a game or to prove a point, do you want to be with someone who does this kind of thing?
You should also return personal items that they have left with you. If you were living together, don't throw all their stuff on the street. While they might have been a douche, being a douche back isn't going to make things easier. Put all their stuff into a box and have them pick it up/drop it off if you're both ok with that, otherwise get a good friend make the delivery for you. Things that were gifts you can keep if you want to. If it's too painful right now, but valuable, put it away and maybe later you'll be ok with it. I would avoid doing things like cutting them out of all your pictures...b/c even if things were rough, they were a part of your life, and if you ignore things, you won't learn from them. Hang onto those pictures but put them away. Maybe in the future you can laugh about it. The danger of hanging onto things is like in How I Met Your Mother. A lot of the stuff around Ted's apartment were from exes, and he hung onto them like a shield. You shouldn't do that. If you got a plushie as a birthday gift, if you like it, keep it, but if you only keep it b/c it's from them, you can't keep that item around.
Like I've said before, use this as an opportunity to learn. Evaluate, and adapt. Also, figure out who you are as a single person, especially if you've been together for a while.
Don't jump into another relationship right away. I don't think there is a magic formula for when you should date again. It's not a set amount of time, it's where you are emotionally. If you're still butt hurt over the break up, you're not ready. If you've figured out who you are and you're happy being a single person again, then buy all means start dating again. But people who continually jump from relationship to relationship are just seeking chaos.
Ok, I guess that's my main thoughts on being on the dumping side. I've seen a lot of it happen to people I know, b/c unfortunately (fortunately?) most of my experience is from the dumper side, which is what I'll focus on next week. I'll share you with my tips on how to be not a jerk when breaking up with someone...of course I think I failed most of the time, but hey, you learn from your mistakes right?
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