When Dates Go Bad

Not all dates will go well...in fact since most dates don't become relationships, most dates will probably suck. But sometimes, geeks with our lack of social skills don't know when things are heading towards the path where she never calls you back or is always mysteriously busy. But here's a list of signs that things are not going well on your date. Please feel free to change the shes to hes...b/c some of these happened to me so it's not just guys who have bad first dates! T_T

She goes to the bathroom for a really really really long time...and doesn't show up again until the check appears. (I mean there might be stomach troubles, which isn't your fault unless it's a restaurant you suggested that like food poisoned her... but it's likely she was trying to avoid you. Esp if she never comes back.)

She picks up her cell phone and has an emergency in the middle of the date and has to leave. (but sometimes this is also legit, it happened to a friend, her cousin called and needed to be let back into his house!)

She picks up her phone and has like a 20 minute chat with her best friend/mom/sister/ex-boyfriend.

All she does is talk about her ex or exes.

All she does is talk about her dog/cat/fish/shoe collection.

She mentions that sometimes the only way to train a dog is to hit them.

She doesn't know who Chewbacca is.

She yawns continuously while you're talking.

She keeps checking the time.

She doesn't make eye contact.

She answers questions in the shortest answers possible, yes/no/maybe/dunno/fuck off.

She hasn't laughed at a single joke you've made and hasn't made any of her own.

She talks about how busy she is and how she's probably going to be stuck at school or the office for the next couple of months.

She smells really bad. Like you're worried you smell but really it's not you, it's them.

She's really late and doesn't call or have a legitimate excuse like there was an overturned vehicle on the freeway and it took me five hours to get through...b/c in LA anyhow, you should expect traffic. (A friend was meeting some guy and he went to the wrong Starbucks and waited there for 20 minutes...even though it was closed.)

At the end of the date, she practically runs to her car and it's not raining.

She slaps you, kicks you in the crotch or performs other kinds of violence and she's not doing a martial arts demonstration.

She doesn't even try to do the "shall I pay for the check dance." Ok this is much more egregious for guys who do this...I went on a date and the guy didn't even try to pay for dinner. He literally just sat there and kept talking. Dude, at least TRY and pretend you want to pay.

She ordered a dish with a lot of onions and garlic in it.

Ok, have a safe and fun New Years! :)