Thursday, December 24, 2009

The First Date (Part 2)

My continued post on The First Date.

Why not movies or concerts?
I don’t like movies or concerts for first dates b/c unless you’ve known the person for a long time in real life, you will probably want to talk a lot. Movies and concerts or even loud restaurants won’t allow you to do that. Some people say (crazy people) say it’s good to go to loud places b/c then you have an excuse to touch them and get close to their ear so you can yell at them but I think that is a weak trade off for the chance to actually get to know someone.

What to Wear:
I think dressing a bit nicer than normal is good. If you’re normally a tshirts and sweats guy, do not meet her in tshirt and sweats. Even if she’s dressed down or coming straight from work, meeting a super schlub generally is not going to win her over. So take a bit of an effort and wear jeans or pants that are clean and without holes and hopefully fit and a nicer shirt, like a button up or polo. This should also be clean and without holes and fit properly. Ask someone with an actual fashion sense to help you with this, you don’t end up looking like a skinny gangster. A slightly funky shirt that fits with your style and personality is ok, if your profile says you love cthulhu (and who doesn’t?) wearing a button up shirt over a t-shirt that says, “cthulhu for president, why choose the lesser evil?” could be a very interesting talking point (unless she seems like a really normal person, in which case, save the elder god for a later time).

This is not ok to wear to a first date. Unless it's a Halloween party and you're going as a nerd.

Paying:
It’s totally sexist especially since I believe that men and women should be equal but guys pay for the first date. Not everyone is going to agree with me, but women can pay for later dates, but in this case, guys pay for the first date. Don’t go dutch, it’s kinda cheesy. It’s part of the ritual of males needing to prove that they can provide adequate resources for their female. (don’t get me started on the whole why guys are supposed to buy flowers, stuffed animals, and jewelry and other expensive and ultimately useless things for women, I can literally write an essay on the origins of that). Unless she totally is about to arm wrestle you for the check, pay for the meal or ticket or whatever.

Topics:
Avoid any crazy heated topics. This could be political things, religion, or if Starbuck is really an angel or is she dead? I'm not saying don't have opinions, I'm just saying it's not worth fighting over yet. Try to talk about stuff that is more interesting than the weather. Try to remember stuff that she put in her profile or you discussed on the phone or via email and talk about those things. Making her think you're paying attention is good. Don't worry about small gaps in the conversation, not everyone is crazy chatty and occasional silences are ok, especially if you're both very hungry.

PDAs:
I'm not a huge fan of PDAs. The key is here, take your cues from the other person. I know we geeks have a hard time reading over people but I think a hug is a pretty normal thing at the end if the date went fairly well. Don't grope anybody at this point. Don't grab her hand if it'd doesn't seem like it. If you've seen New Moon, remember that scene where both Mike and Jacob are holding their hands out b/c they want Bella to hold their hand and how awkward that is? Don't be that guy. I guess what I'm saying is, don't force anything to happen b/c things will happen when they happen.

Technology:
Don't fiddle with your phone or other gadgets during the date. It's best if you turn off your cell phone too, and don't keep checking for twitter updates, it's not polite.

So I guess those are my thoughts on the first date.

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