Maybe this topic should have come before writing your first message, but oh well! :)
I think the first bit of advice here is, don’t get hung up on any one particular person. If you come across a profile and they sound like you should be soul mates, that’s cool, but if you contact that person and they don’t respond, don’t fall into a deep emo-type despair. I think this can happen a lot; we geeks can get obsessive about pretty much anything and when you find someone who seems like a good match, we can start internet stalking them, showing their profile to all your friends, imaging where you’re going to live in the future (of course I’ve never done this… O_o) and then you message them and you don’t hear back. And then follows a deep funk and then a swearing off of all dating forever. Ok, maybe that’s just me, but yeah, don’t be like me!
First, a profile is only a hint of what a person is like. They might like all of the same things as you but when you meet there is no chemistry, or vice versa, someone can seem really different from you but somehow your personalities just click and things will be great, so not hearing back from one person should not be determining your future emotional health.
Second, there are a ton of people on internet dating sites. According to some not authoritative statistics on the internet, in 2007, 20 million people visited at least one internet dating site each month, and I would think that that number has only gone up since then. So keep trying, there are good people out there.
Look at all those fish out there!
Ok, next after not getting hung up on one person is, don’t be too picky. Pictures can be deceiving. We spent a lot of time talking about profile pictures so we know there are a lot of bad pictures out there. if the pictures aren’t great, it’s not a reason to discount them. If they’re pictures are ok, but they seem really cool, give them a message. A friend’s friend puts up picture of herself from when she was heavier b/c she wants people to message her for her personality, not because of how she looks. (I don’t necessarily recommend her method unless you get a lot of people messaging you for the wrong reasons.) A friend adds, “looks aren’t everything” and he’s a guy saying this!
I recommend making a list of things that you have to have in a partner and things that you really don’t want. Eharmony has an entire section dedicated to this idea called “must-haves” and “can’t stands”. Even if your service doesn’t have this part, you can keep a list of your own, so if can’t stand smokers, and are allergic to dogs, that need to be on your list. But things like, needs to drive a sports car and be 5’10 should not be on your list. Material things like that will only prevent you from meeting really great people. Also consider widening the age range and types of people you’ll date. If you limit yourself to certain races or ethnicities, maybe you’ll miss out on a really great “other” out there. :)
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